What is WYSIWYG Choosing authenticity First, boundaries Why bother?
The acronym WYSIWYG is pronounced whizz-ee-wig and stands for: What You See Is What You Get. It started out as a computer programming acronym.
Prior to the development of WYSIWYG programming, a webmaster could design a webpage on one computer, and yet parts of the webpage often appeared in another format on a visitor's computer screen. To solve this problem, WYSIWYG programs were created...they ensure that a webpage will look the same on the webmaster's screen as it does on visitor's screen.
In the Healing Journey website, WYSIWYG means presenting ourselves as the same person on the outside that we see ourselves as being on the inside.
Being
WYSIWYG means becoming authentic
human beings. Authenticity is the bedrock of all
healthy relationships. We
cannot trust, respect, and accept others if they are not being authentic towards
us. And we cannot expect others to trust, respect and accept us if we are not being authentic towards them.
We shortchange others whenever we present a false version of ourselves to them. And we shortchange ourselves because people cannot accept and love us for who we truly are until they meet and know our authentic selves.
Many survivors of abuse and neglect fear that if they take off their masks and put their self-protective facades to the side, they'll make themselves more vulnerable to abuse from other humans. They're right. Anytime we present our most authentic selves, we take the risk of being hurt by people who do not honor or value authenticity. This is why survivors may need to learn how to develop healthy self-protective boundaries before they can safely work towards presenting themselves more authentically. Once they learn how to develop and enforce healthy personal boundaries, they will know how to protect themselves - physically, mentally, emotionally and more - when fellow humans attempt to take advantage of their genuineness. To learn more about how to create healthy boundaries, click here.
Some readers may wonder, why bother to become WYSIWYG, and going through the trouble of learning about boundaries, if it's easier just to keep protecting ourselves by using false facades?
The biggest problem with staying false is that people who are not abusive, and who can enrich our lives with their own, are not able to truly connect with us - and us with them. People who have Antisocial Personality Disorder often present false facades because "if you hit the false target, I still won't be hurt." Unfortunately, if they are never able to be their genuine selves, they never experience the powerful healing experience of being loved, valued and accepted for who they truly are. This may be humankind's greatest tragedy.
Giving up our facades will make us vulnerable to some pain, rejection and other uncomfortable experiences. However, I have yet to meet any recovering survivor who - once they experience being accepted, valued and loved for their true self - has preferred to go back to the old life of being false and disconnected from the rest of humanity.
Another problem with not learning about boundaries is that if we are a survivor of abuse or neglect, we are more likely to have developed social anxiety. Many survivors of abuse and neglect have never learned how to become comfortable in their relationships with other humans, and often avoid group interactions because they do not feel safe. Some survivors try to cope with socializing by using false personas. Some cope by using addictive substances to help them relax. Unfortunately, whenever we use alcohol and drugs to cope with the "necessary evil" of socializing, we put ourselves at greater risk of being taken advantage of, or of doing things that we may later feel ashamed about.
There
is always a trade-off when we decide to put old coping and self-protection
skills in the storage closet (in case we may need them again) and try new and
unfamiliar techniques. People who have spent most of their lives presenting
false versions of themselves may find the choice of being real to be scary and
even threatening. And yet, people who have dared to go through the process of
developing healthy boundaries and being WYSIWYG usually state that - after
they've experienced being accepted and valued for who they truly are - their
positive new experiences far outweigh the discomfort.
Some of the new emotions and other sensations that they have reported include: joy, peace, love, hope, happiness, fulfillment, confidence, trusting and being trusted, acceptance, connectedness, inclusion, empathy, and warmth. Whenever a person has these kinds of experiences, he or she is reaching the pinnacle of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs: self actualization.
The best way to learn how to become a WYSIWYG is to spend as much time as possible with people who choose to be WYSIWYGS. Since most people who choose to be authentic do not wear an identifying badge, here are some books and websites that can help you to develop a more accurate WYSIWYG detector:
Authentic
Self: Do who you are (website)
Find
True Happiness (website)
The
Exquisite Risk: Daring to Live an Authentic Life (book)
Your Authentic Self
(articles)
A crucial part of figuring out whether another person is authentic, kind and caring - or not - is to test that person...over and over and over again. We can also ask other people to tell us about their experiences with that person.
Bottom line: the more we spend time with people who choose to live WYSIWYG lives...people who are able to accept and value us because they have already learned to accept and value themselves...the more we will experience being loved, accepted, and valued as the person we truly are.
Disclaimer
No part of the Healing Journey recovery website is to be used as a substitute for professional therapy. If you need professional support, please contact a qualified ministerial or mental health professional. Materials in this website may be printed or copied for personal use only. Readers are welcome to agree or disagree with any statements made in this website, and may benefit from sharing and discussing them with support persons.